boy who bleeds elephant tusks

so you know how sometimes
a voice tells you that you need
me? you know how you always
avoid it? I think tonight you should
follow the direction of the crazy voice
and see where you end up.

it's 10:43 p.m. and i'm eating leftover
pizza and listening to kissing families
by silversun pickups. I've spent the whole
day braless, but just the last ten
minutes heartless. I did not feel sorry
for the toilet when i shoved a plunger
down its throat, because I pretended
it was you.

there are lies stuck between my teeth
and I am bored so I'm going to floss and
distribute them to people like you.
I am sucking pity through a straw
because I am desperate. I'm in my room,
looking out the window, wishing I was
outside because all I see is where else
I could be, just like your heart is an empty
room by death cab for cutie says. I wonder
if when I told you i'm here for you, it actually
meant I'm somewhere else for you, without
me even realizing it.

you hate the touch of a hand- you prefer
the walls instead. playing on my sister's
nintendo DS at 1:30 in the morning
makes me real. the fact that I've said more
words to myself while playing mario than
I've said to anyone else all day makes me
real. avoiding you makes me real. watching the
tides turn makes me real. the steam from my
tea is real. you are covered in dirty egos.
do not leave the shower until your fingers
are pruny. dear you, you'll never be able to
leave the shower because you aren't real.